California is funny. It's November and it's 80 degrees.
I just find that funny.
I grew up in a place where it rains nine months of the year.
Yet, I've become a California girl. I'm a beach loving, sale rack scavenging, tan, fun in the sun, California girl.
So even if in November if it does get cold (like last week it was like 50 degrees outside.) It is suddenly time to pull out the scarves and long sleeved shirts and jackets and winter coats.
I used be able to walk around in a t-shirt in this weather. Maybe a have a sweater. When we moved here I could do that.
When did 65 degrees suddenly mean a down jacket?
When did I become such a baby?
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Monday, November 12, 2007
I've returned!
I know I kinda fell off the face of the earth, but life has been really crazy for me lately. I'm all over the place. School started like, 2 months ago. From my AP classes to fall play rehearsal to everything in between, I just haven't had time to enter the blogesphere.
Veteran's day was a welcomed break! My AP History class is going to kill me. There is so much work. DBQ worksheets, simulations, studying, presentations, it goes on and on. There are quizzes both planned and pop. Of course, don't forget the section tests. 80 questions to be answered in no more than 50 minutes. Yet, I kinda love it. I like the lectures. PowerPoint is my new love. I actually made one for a presentation on friday. It was amazing and it took me an hour and a half. I go into her classroom before the bell for first and since I made the PowerPoint on a mac, it's not compatable with her computer, a Dell. I was so sad! It was a beautiful PowerPoint and it wasn't compatable!
The other class that is preying a slow death (is that an okay phrase?) is Advanced Auto. I love that class, but the only other girl in the class is my lab partner. 2 girls and 20 guys. 20 guys! If that's not intimidating, I don't know what is. It's a totally fun class. I love it, but, do they have to act so, "arrrrgh" , like the way stupid boys act? At least 2/3 of the class is completely ignorant. They couldn't seem to grasp the vegetarian thing. How since I've never eaten meat, like ever, technically I'm allergic. Eating would make me sick. My stomach can't digest it. They just don't get it! They're just like "would you eat a steak if I gave $50,000?" Idiots! Also, I have no idea what I'm doing in that class. At least since my lab partner and I are the only girls, Mr. J gives us the answers. Well, if we get it right he tells us. It really miffs some of the other guys. We did a lab that these other group took 7 shop days to do in 3. Hahahahahahaha! Survival of the fittest baby!
I love school. That's partly why I'm torn about how I feel about three day weekends, let alone two day weekends. I miss school. I just really like it. It's fun to me. I'm the weirdo fluke kid who likes school and in-class essays and lectures and notes and STAR WARS! (that's only weird for a girl.)
I'm in the fall play. I started out as an understudy for two parts. Then I became assistant scpript manager as well. Then I gained the coveted 2nd assistant director spot. I've also been placed as prop manager. And now on top of all of that, I'm a swing. Since the we've started rehearsal, I've understudied for every part but those I'm actually understudy for. So, the director made me a swing. It's really cool. That's the payoff I get though. I've missed one rehearsal (and that was for a movie premeire in the Kodak screening room in Hollywood. Totally worth missing rehearsal.), I'm never late and I've even been to all the tap rehearsals. I'm there more than some of the actual cast members. I'm there so often the forgets I'm only an understudy. I just hope it really helps me out when I try out for the musical. I know I won't get a lead in the musical. I certainly can't sing that well. But a chorus spot would make me happy. I can sing well enough for that at least. Plus, the director knows I'm committed. He knows I'll always be there. I can't wait. This year is probably going to be the best year of school yet. Look out world, here I come!
Veteran's day was a welcomed break! My AP History class is going to kill me. There is so much work. DBQ worksheets, simulations, studying, presentations, it goes on and on. There are quizzes both planned and pop. Of course, don't forget the section tests. 80 questions to be answered in no more than 50 minutes. Yet, I kinda love it. I like the lectures. PowerPoint is my new love. I actually made one for a presentation on friday. It was amazing and it took me an hour and a half. I go into her classroom before the bell for first and since I made the PowerPoint on a mac, it's not compatable with her computer, a Dell. I was so sad! It was a beautiful PowerPoint and it wasn't compatable!
The other class that is preying a slow death (is that an okay phrase?) is Advanced Auto. I love that class, but the only other girl in the class is my lab partner. 2 girls and 20 guys. 20 guys! If that's not intimidating, I don't know what is. It's a totally fun class. I love it, but, do they have to act so, "arrrrgh" , like the way stupid boys act? At least 2/3 of the class is completely ignorant. They couldn't seem to grasp the vegetarian thing. How since I've never eaten meat, like ever, technically I'm allergic. Eating would make me sick. My stomach can't digest it. They just don't get it! They're just like "would you eat a steak if I gave $50,000?" Idiots! Also, I have no idea what I'm doing in that class. At least since my lab partner and I are the only girls, Mr. J gives us the answers. Well, if we get it right he tells us. It really miffs some of the other guys. We did a lab that these other group took 7 shop days to do in 3. Hahahahahahaha! Survival of the fittest baby!
I love school. That's partly why I'm torn about how I feel about three day weekends, let alone two day weekends. I miss school. I just really like it. It's fun to me. I'm the weirdo fluke kid who likes school and in-class essays and lectures and notes and STAR WARS! (that's only weird for a girl.)
I'm in the fall play. I started out as an understudy for two parts. Then I became assistant scpript manager as well. Then I gained the coveted 2nd assistant director spot. I've also been placed as prop manager. And now on top of all of that, I'm a swing. Since the we've started rehearsal, I've understudied for every part but those I'm actually understudy for. So, the director made me a swing. It's really cool. That's the payoff I get though. I've missed one rehearsal (and that was for a movie premeire in the Kodak screening room in Hollywood. Totally worth missing rehearsal.), I'm never late and I've even been to all the tap rehearsals. I'm there more than some of the actual cast members. I'm there so often the forgets I'm only an understudy. I just hope it really helps me out when I try out for the musical. I know I won't get a lead in the musical. I certainly can't sing that well. But a chorus spot would make me happy. I can sing well enough for that at least. Plus, the director knows I'm committed. He knows I'll always be there. I can't wait. This year is probably going to be the best year of school yet. Look out world, here I come!
Monday, July 30, 2007
Stop the Genocide
In Darfur, Sudan in Africa, there is a genocide occuring. A slaughter that is being ignored not only by the United States, but also by the UN who have yet to recognize it as a genocide. Since February 2003, 400,000 civillians have been killed while 2.5 MILLION women, children, and other people have been dislocated. Many have fled into the welcoing arms of Chad, the neighboring country.
The Janjaweed forces have used rape, displacement, and MASS STARVATION to begin to wipe out this race of people. Whole villages have been destroyed and families have been seperated. The last time this many people died was during Rwawandain the early 90's. By the time the US got involved then, it was too late and hundreds of thousands of people had already died.
Get involved. Help stop the genocide that has been raging for nearly 4 1/2 years. Urge your governor, senator, and our President to do something. Join an organization to stop the suffering. There are many sites willing to help the starving people in Darfur.
This is no different than the Armenian Genocide or The Holocaust. Apart from the fact that we hold the power to put an end to it. I urge you to get involved. We can help these people if just band together. As one, we can help then survive.
STOP THE GENOCIDE!!!
The Janjaweed forces have used rape, displacement, and MASS STARVATION to begin to wipe out this race of people. Whole villages have been destroyed and families have been seperated. The last time this many people died was during Rwawandain the early 90's. By the time the US got involved then, it was too late and hundreds of thousands of people had already died.
Get involved. Help stop the genocide that has been raging for nearly 4 1/2 years. Urge your governor, senator, and our President to do something. Join an organization to stop the suffering. There are many sites willing to help the starving people in Darfur.
This is no different than the Armenian Genocide or The Holocaust. Apart from the fact that we hold the power to put an end to it. I urge you to get involved. We can help these people if just band together. As one, we can help then survive.
STOP THE GENOCIDE!!!
Friday, July 20, 2007
broken
i lay
as though asleep
death approaches.
stop the pain
stop all the pain.
dormant.
quiet.
save me
save me.
i can't go on.
i don't want to go on.
stop the pain
stop all the pain.
unrequited
always.
alone
always.
stop the pain
stop all the pain.
i am broken.
my heart
my spirit
me.
i am broken.
i am forgotten.
am i forgettable?
stop my pain
save me
before i shatter.
as though asleep
death approaches.
stop the pain
stop all the pain.
dormant.
quiet.
save me
save me.
i can't go on.
i don't want to go on.
stop the pain
stop all the pain.
unrequited
always.
alone
always.
stop the pain
stop all the pain.
i am broken.
my heart
my spirit
me.
i am broken.
i am forgotten.
am i forgettable?
stop my pain
save me
before i shatter.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Stupid (wisdom) Teeth
My mouth hurts. Wisdom teeth suck. I thought they were supposed to be smart. But no, mine decide to start growing as soon as the rest of my teeth start settling. Stupid teeth. I actually feel nauseous. Plus the Vikaden makes me majorly loopy.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
TAMARACK
I just got back from camp. I loved it there. I didn't even want to leave. It was so amazing there.
I was a counselor, a counselor for six amazing and stubborn 11 year olds. My girls were so sweet, even if they were hard sometimes.
However, nobody could ever be as difficult as my co-counselor. She was an adult to start with and she also had kids at the camp, one of which was in our group. Half way through camp, she was asked to leave because she hit some one. And it wasn't just anyone's kid, it was the camp director's kid. First of all, you don't hit somebody else's kid. Secondly, the camp director's son? She was like flippin insano.
I was so upset that I was put with an adult, but she was CRAZY! I had to work twice as hard because she would go behind my back and break the rules I had set up. Plus she totally favoured her kids. She had another daughter in the Youngest Girls and every night she would go snuggle with her and say goodnight. It was unbelievable.
Then for the last week of camp, I'm left with all 6 kids, alone. And I needed a day, of course, so I have another group watch my kids for the morning so I can like effing sleep. One of the counselors wwho took my kids was pissed.
She was all "We've been working our asses off for the past week and half and after two days, you suddenly need a break. You didn't even do anything when your co-counselor was around, she did all the work, I just think it's really unfair."
Like I hadn't been working my butt off taking care of the kids and backtracking to clean up the other counselor's mess-ups. While I was working so hard, this counselor who was mad at me would sleep through breakfast and miss counselor meetings and go to the turnout every night. So now I was pissed. I told her to try taking care of six 11 year old girls for two days running on about 4 hours of sleep a night. Then I walked out of the kitchen.
Now despite all my drama, I had a blast. I went kayaking across a giant lake, went horse-back ridingg for the first time in my life, ate absolute junk food after meetings and stayed up late, I pushed my limits and actually hiked, and I was hit on by a 19 year old who is a fireman.
I had so much fun. And next year, despite how hard everything was, I want to do it again. I just love it there. Also the song that will always remind me of camp is the lip gloss song.
Lip Gloss by Lil Mama.
More to come from the chronicles of camp.
I was a counselor, a counselor for six amazing and stubborn 11 year olds. My girls were so sweet, even if they were hard sometimes.
However, nobody could ever be as difficult as my co-counselor. She was an adult to start with and she also had kids at the camp, one of which was in our group. Half way through camp, she was asked to leave because she hit some one. And it wasn't just anyone's kid, it was the camp director's kid. First of all, you don't hit somebody else's kid. Secondly, the camp director's son? She was like flippin insano.
I was so upset that I was put with an adult, but she was CRAZY! I had to work twice as hard because she would go behind my back and break the rules I had set up. Plus she totally favoured her kids. She had another daughter in the Youngest Girls and every night she would go snuggle with her and say goodnight. It was unbelievable.
Then for the last week of camp, I'm left with all 6 kids, alone. And I needed a day, of course, so I have another group watch my kids for the morning so I can like effing sleep. One of the counselors wwho took my kids was pissed.
She was all "We've been working our asses off for the past week and half and after two days, you suddenly need a break. You didn't even do anything when your co-counselor was around, she did all the work, I just think it's really unfair."
Like I hadn't been working my butt off taking care of the kids and backtracking to clean up the other counselor's mess-ups. While I was working so hard, this counselor who was mad at me would sleep through breakfast and miss counselor meetings and go to the turnout every night. So now I was pissed. I told her to try taking care of six 11 year old girls for two days running on about 4 hours of sleep a night. Then I walked out of the kitchen.
Now despite all my drama, I had a blast. I went kayaking across a giant lake, went horse-back ridingg for the first time in my life, ate absolute junk food after meetings and stayed up late, I pushed my limits and actually hiked, and I was hit on by a 19 year old who is a fireman.
I had so much fun. And next year, despite how hard everything was, I want to do it again. I just love it there. Also the song that will always remind me of camp is the lip gloss song.
Lip Gloss by Lil Mama.
More to come from the chronicles of camp.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Mucho gusta espanol!
Me gusta espanol. Soy triste, manana es el "last" dia de escuela. no mas espanol para tres meses. Soy muy triste. Me mucha gusta mi profesora, la senorita limon. Ella es muy simpatica. El sabado es la primera dia del verano. Me gusta el verano tambien, pero me gusta la escuela mas.
Enojado mi "post".
Enojado mi "post".
Musica
So one of my new favorite bands is Cobra Starship. They are super coolio. They sing this song "Snakes on a plane (Bring it)". It's the funniest thing ever. in the video, the girl is like distracting the guy who watches the X-ray machine so he won't see all the snakes in their bags.
They also sing that song Hollaback Boy. And on youtube there is the funniest video of this boy singing Hollaback Boy, he's like 14 and he wears different hats and like grills and stuff. So Hilarious.
Plus the guys from Cobra Starship are super hotties.
Also recently, I'm really into Plain White T's. They sing Hey There Delilah. I love that song, it's so sad. but like beautiful at the same time. They mostly rock though. Well, new age pop rock.
And just so everyone knows and you don't try to steal him, I am going to marry either Brandon Flowers or Teddy Geiger.
Son todos para ahora.
They also sing that song Hollaback Boy. And on youtube there is the funniest video of this boy singing Hollaback Boy, he's like 14 and he wears different hats and like grills and stuff. So Hilarious.
Plus the guys from Cobra Starship are super hotties.
Also recently, I'm really into Plain White T's. They sing Hey There Delilah. I love that song, it's so sad. but like beautiful at the same time. They mostly rock though. Well, new age pop rock.
And just so everyone knows and you don't try to steal him, I am going to marry either Brandon Flowers or Teddy Geiger.
Son todos para ahora.
Friday, June 8, 2007
Smart or Smart Ass?
So like 4 people wrote in my yearbook that they think I'm really smart or genious or something. I don't really think I am. I know stuff. I know facts and I can retain information, but does that make me intelligent or smart?
I don't think knowledge always means intelligent. Most of the time, it means smart ass which is what I am 50% of the time. So why does everyone think I'm smart.
I think the standards for what "smart" is have been lowered so much by lack of motivation that anyone who tries even a little is considered just short of genius. I think if everyone tried, the "smart" people would have to go above and beyond any barriers and work themselves just to seem above everyone else.
And I don't mean above as in condescending, just different than the crowd. An individual.
So is individuality equivalent to smart or intelligent?
Is anyone who's slightly different considered to be a prodigy?
Are those who try considered ingenious?
Why is it like that?
I'm just curious because I don't think I'm that smart. People tell me I am, but maybe I just sound smart because I can string together sentences. I am a writer. So maybe because I can twist my words and use fancy language, I give the illusion of intelligence.
I want to be smart. I want to seem better than everyone else sometimes, cause it makes me feel better. That's not fair though. I'm not as great as I think I am or as great as I want to be. I screw up and I don't think and I am slowly flushing my life down the freakin' toilet. I'm not better than anyone. In fact, I am probably just as screwed up as the next guy, I just have a bigger vocabulary.
I wish I wasn't like this but I am so freakin' competitive about this. I feel like people will like me more if I'm the biggest baddest thang on the block. I just makes them like me less. I just wish I wasn't like this sometimes. I wish I could just let things go and be able to be myself. I can't and that scares me. I'm afraid I won't be able to change and I will get even uglier on the inside. I want to be different, but I am so set in my ways that I can't even see out of the hole I've dug myself into. I want to change and I want this and that, but it won't happen.
I don't think people can change.
I don't think knowledge always means intelligent. Most of the time, it means smart ass which is what I am 50% of the time. So why does everyone think I'm smart.
I think the standards for what "smart" is have been lowered so much by lack of motivation that anyone who tries even a little is considered just short of genius. I think if everyone tried, the "smart" people would have to go above and beyond any barriers and work themselves just to seem above everyone else.
And I don't mean above as in condescending, just different than the crowd. An individual.
So is individuality equivalent to smart or intelligent?
Is anyone who's slightly different considered to be a prodigy?
Are those who try considered ingenious?
Why is it like that?
I'm just curious because I don't think I'm that smart. People tell me I am, but maybe I just sound smart because I can string together sentences. I am a writer. So maybe because I can twist my words and use fancy language, I give the illusion of intelligence.
I want to be smart. I want to seem better than everyone else sometimes, cause it makes me feel better. That's not fair though. I'm not as great as I think I am or as great as I want to be. I screw up and I don't think and I am slowly flushing my life down the freakin' toilet. I'm not better than anyone. In fact, I am probably just as screwed up as the next guy, I just have a bigger vocabulary.
I wish I wasn't like this but I am so freakin' competitive about this. I feel like people will like me more if I'm the biggest baddest thang on the block. I just makes them like me less. I just wish I wasn't like this sometimes. I wish I could just let things go and be able to be myself. I can't and that scares me. I'm afraid I won't be able to change and I will get even uglier on the inside. I want to be different, but I am so set in my ways that I can't even see out of the hole I've dug myself into. I want to change and I want this and that, but it won't happen.
I don't think people can change.
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Haha nabb-ed
I was not tagged, I simply nabbed it off my friend's blog. And I hereby choose not to tag anybody, I simply allow nabbing. Let the Nabbing comence.
1. What time is it?
4:25
2. Name (include any nicknames):
none, I have no name. I am one of the nameless. okay here's one...uh...Penelope Clearwater. (if you don't get it, thatis quite a shame and I pity you.)
3. What are you most afraid of?
drowning
4. What do you drive?
nothing
5. Have you ever seen a ghost?
yes, the auditorium at my school is haunted. I saw a ghost climbing the stairs with it's elbows all inverted like that kid in the Grudge.
6. Where were you born?
At home
7. Ever been to Alaska ?
No.
8. Ever been toilet papering, or rolling in decorating trees?
I wish and if I had I wouldn't say.
9. Croutons or bacon bits?
I'm a vegetarian and I hate croutons
10. Favorite day of the week?
Tuesday
11 FAVORITE RESTURANT?
The Manderine Chef or this little cafe I used to go to in Eugene that's like all vegan.
12. Favorite flowers?
black roses
13. Favorite sport to watch?
I watch the high school football games...
14. Favorite Drink
cream soda, calpico, or lemon propel
15. Favorite Ice cream:
anything with the word ice cream is gold
16. Favorite fast food restaurant:
In-N-Out
17. Hobbies?
reading, chatting with my friends, sleeping, and I eat like a hobbit
18. What color is your bedroom carpet?
broen
19. How many times you failed your driver's test?
I have yet to take it.
20. From whom did you get your last email?
One of my best friends asking me to join her Yahoo group
21. What do you do most often if you are bored?
read Harry Potter
22. Bedtime?
At least by 10 or I sleep during 1st
23: Favorite TV show(s):
Gilmore girls, Grey's Anatomy, Charmed, and Veronica Mars
24. What are you listening to right now?
Hey There Delilah, Plain white T's
25. What are your favorite colors?
black and red
26. How many tattoos do you have?
none
27. Do you have any pets?
I've got my younger brother
28. Which came first the chicken or the egg?
um...no opinion
29. What would you like to accomplish before you die?
I want to travel Europe, I want to stay married to my true love, I want to find my true love, I want to skydive, and deep sea dive, I want to base jump, I want to ride a motorcycle, I want to have three boys so I can name them Bruce, Peter, and Clark.
1. What time is it?
4:25
2. Name (include any nicknames):
none, I have no name. I am one of the nameless. okay here's one...uh...Penelope Clearwater. (if you don't get it, thatis quite a shame and I pity you.)
3. What are you most afraid of?
drowning
4. What do you drive?
nothing
5. Have you ever seen a ghost?
yes, the auditorium at my school is haunted. I saw a ghost climbing the stairs with it's elbows all inverted like that kid in the Grudge.
6. Where were you born?
At home
7. Ever been to Alaska ?
No.
8. Ever been toilet papering, or rolling in decorating trees?
I wish and if I had I wouldn't say.
9. Croutons or bacon bits?
I'm a vegetarian and I hate croutons
10. Favorite day of the week?
Tuesday
11 FAVORITE RESTURANT?
The Manderine Chef or this little cafe I used to go to in Eugene that's like all vegan.
12. Favorite flowers?
black roses
13. Favorite sport to watch?
I watch the high school football games...
14. Favorite Drink
cream soda, calpico, or lemon propel
15. Favorite Ice cream:
anything with the word ice cream is gold
16. Favorite fast food restaurant:
In-N-Out
17. Hobbies?
reading, chatting with my friends, sleeping, and I eat like a hobbit
18. What color is your bedroom carpet?
broen
19. How many times you failed your driver's test?
I have yet to take it.
20. From whom did you get your last email?
One of my best friends asking me to join her Yahoo group
21. What do you do most often if you are bored?
read Harry Potter
22. Bedtime?
At least by 10 or I sleep during 1st
23: Favorite TV show(s):
Gilmore girls, Grey's Anatomy, Charmed, and Veronica Mars
24. What are you listening to right now?
Hey There Delilah, Plain white T's
25. What are your favorite colors?
black and red
26. How many tattoos do you have?
none
27. Do you have any pets?
I've got my younger brother
28. Which came first the chicken or the egg?
um...no opinion
29. What would you like to accomplish before you die?
I want to travel Europe, I want to stay married to my true love, I want to find my true love, I want to skydive, and deep sea dive, I want to base jump, I want to ride a motorcycle, I want to have three boys so I can name them Bruce, Peter, and Clark.
Sunday, June 3, 2007
I Rock (or at least i will...someday)
I am gonna rock college. It's two years away, but i already know that that is where i'm gonna find myself. Somewhere in the quad or the hallways or the classrooms is me waiting to be discovered.
I found myself in high school. My new self. I got to change from being the shy and quiet girl who sits in the corner and watches people live to the girl who actually gets some living done herself. I got to recreate myself without somebody going "uhh...Panchy what the heck do you think you're doing?"
I became some one new. An outgoing person. A happy person. A heard person.
I voice my opinion and people actually listen to me. I hadn't ever known what that felt like until I went to high school. I would talk and people didn't even hear me. I might as well have been wearing an invisisbilty cloak for the amount of notice I received.
I just can't wait to go to college. There I can change again. Become a new self. Not necessarily a drastic change, but I can be different and I can morph into a person who has qualities I desire. I can be taught to be myself in new ways and be me.
I will turn into the me, the butterfly, that has been waiting inside the cocoon. I will burst out in a splash of color that would fit in a swirl of tye-dye (I think that's how you spell it) and the 80's!
I can't wait!!!
I found myself in high school. My new self. I got to change from being the shy and quiet girl who sits in the corner and watches people live to the girl who actually gets some living done herself. I got to recreate myself without somebody going "uhh...Panchy what the heck do you think you're doing?"
I became some one new. An outgoing person. A happy person. A heard person.
I voice my opinion and people actually listen to me. I hadn't ever known what that felt like until I went to high school. I would talk and people didn't even hear me. I might as well have been wearing an invisisbilty cloak for the amount of notice I received.
I just can't wait to go to college. There I can change again. Become a new self. Not necessarily a drastic change, but I can be different and I can morph into a person who has qualities I desire. I can be taught to be myself in new ways and be me.
I will turn into the me, the butterfly, that has been waiting inside the cocoon. I will burst out in a splash of color that would fit in a swirl of tye-dye (I think that's how you spell it) and the 80's!
I can't wait!!!
First Post
So this is my first ever post. I don't even care if nobody reads it. I simply think this is exciting though.
I'm a writer. I write poetry and stories and I even like writing essays. So this blog thing should come pretty easily to me. I should be a very eloquent writer and speaker. But...mostly I'm not. I'm awkward and sometimes I say things that I immediatly regret.
This should be fun. I hope you're along for the ride!
I'm a writer. I write poetry and stories and I even like writing essays. So this blog thing should come pretty easily to me. I should be a very eloquent writer and speaker. But...mostly I'm not. I'm awkward and sometimes I say things that I immediatly regret.
This should be fun. I hope you're along for the ride!
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