So like 4 people wrote in my yearbook that they think I'm really smart or genious or something. I don't really think I am. I know stuff. I know facts and I can retain information, but does that make me intelligent or smart?
I don't think knowledge always means intelligent. Most of the time, it means smart ass which is what I am 50% of the time. So why does everyone think I'm smart.
I think the standards for what "smart" is have been lowered so much by lack of motivation that anyone who tries even a little is considered just short of genius. I think if everyone tried, the "smart" people would have to go above and beyond any barriers and work themselves just to seem above everyone else.
And I don't mean above as in condescending, just different than the crowd. An individual.
So is individuality equivalent to smart or intelligent?
Is anyone who's slightly different considered to be a prodigy?
Are those who try considered ingenious?
Why is it like that?
I'm just curious because I don't think I'm that smart. People tell me I am, but maybe I just sound smart because I can string together sentences. I am a writer. So maybe because I can twist my words and use fancy language, I give the illusion of intelligence.
I want to be smart. I want to seem better than everyone else sometimes, cause it makes me feel better. That's not fair though. I'm not as great as I think I am or as great as I want to be. I screw up and I don't think and I am slowly flushing my life down the freakin' toilet. I'm not better than anyone. In fact, I am probably just as screwed up as the next guy, I just have a bigger vocabulary.
I wish I wasn't like this but I am so freakin' competitive about this. I feel like people will like me more if I'm the biggest baddest thang on the block. I just makes them like me less. I just wish I wasn't like this sometimes. I wish I could just let things go and be able to be myself. I can't and that scares me. I'm afraid I won't be able to change and I will get even uglier on the inside. I want to be different, but I am so set in my ways that I can't even see out of the hole I've dug myself into. I want to change and I want this and that, but it won't happen.
I don't think people can change.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
of course, you know I believe people can change, or at least be changed. If they can't then what's the point?...It is funny some of the themes that are similar between you and Baub...I wonder if there was something in the water during those formative years.. or if you just both have mothers with large vocabularies who can't stand poor grammar :) !
I am so Glad I found your blog! Keep Posting!
Love You Now and Forever.
La Chel
Post a Comment